The only thing I crave these days are kisses and hugs from him. To finally feel him. Sadness is my blanket and I rest my head on anger. Sad that I can’t be his and angry that I keep lying to myself. I knew he was taken from the start. But what I didn’t know was how I would fall in Love with him. How I would think of him non-stop and how every song would be about him. How I would melt from a text or a laugh. How I would long to hear his voice and how his little noises would make me die. Literally die. Dead. No pulse. Take me to the morgue. Burry me. Bye. Oh what I would give to be that girl. To be his. Even tho he would long for someone else just like he started talking to me and such but still… I want him and I want him to want me and actually have me. To take me. That’s it. Put a bow on me and stuff me in a box…. Like a casket. Hopefully by the time he opens it I will have at least enough life in me to get a sweet tasty wet kiss and die happy. The cool points are indeed out the window. He has me all fucked up and twisted in the game. But she is winning and I’m just gonna take my jersey and go home.
Be yourself… Even if it causes people pain. If people stick by you even after you hurt them then it must be worth it. There’s something there that is worth the pain and the heartache.
I Love The Realness we share… The raw emotions.
I’ve been walked outside and chained to the tree… Company came over and I’ll be chained up in the cold until they leave.
More withdrawals than deposits…
Started with a Tumblr message that just said something like, I hope you have a great day I really like you blog, or something to that affect. One year and thousands of thousands of text messages and Vox’s. Hundreds of phone calls. A couple of packages. Many nights of yelling and tears, Bruised knuckles, slammed doors and broken hearts… More nights of laughter and “I Love You’s” and breaking into song, numerous orgasms and moaning, DTBB dates, tons of selfies and crazy faces, attitudes and dozing off. Weekends of dreadful silence followed by Mondays of non-stop talking. Dreams of alley ways and a life worth living. Miles of smiles and miles between us. The distance doesn’t seem to matter. When I hear his voice… It feels like he’s right here.
Who knew that one message would blossom into something so beautiful. Something so complex that it’s simple. Something so maddening that it makes me sane. I thought I had Loved before… I thought it was real. I started to truly Love when I got those messages and phone calls and packages. When I started to know someone who is unbelievably perfect. This friendlationship is real. I Love him, truly, undeniably, one hundred percent, Love that man with all my heart and soul and body.
Tomorrow will mark one year. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings us.